Finding Happiness
by SG-LAB
Summary: After Elizabeth dies in an accident Rodney is there for John. ShepWeir and ShepMcKay. Slash and ship
1. Chapter 1

Title: Finding Happiness

Title: Finding Happiness

Author: sglab

Rating: PG at least for now. It could go up.

Summary: Rodney is there for John after losing Elizabeth in an accident

Spoilers: None

Pairings/Characters: Sheppard/McKay and Sheppard/Weir

Warning: Character death, slash

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, just having fun with them.

A/N: Teyla/Ronon and Carson/Laura are miner pairs. The end of season 3 didn't happen nor did season 4

Chapter 1

"Rodney?" He thought he heard his name and tried to focus, but his eye lids felt so heavy. "Rodney," the voice was becoming clearer and light was beginning to reach his eyes.

Rodney blinked and strained to focus until he saw the fuzzy outline of a familiar face.

"Just relax, Rodney," Rodney realized it was Carson Beckett speaking to him. "It's going to take some time to get your strength back; you've been unconscious for some time now."

Rodney opened his mouth to ask what happened, but was shushed by the doctor. "Rest now, Rodney. We'll talk later."

Rodney wanted to protest, but his body wouldn't cooperate and he slipped into sleep.

The next time Rodney woke up, he could hear voices in the background, but couldn't make anything out. He lay there for a moment assessing himself and his surroundings. It was obvious he was in the Atlantis infirmary. He felt a large bandage around his head. That explained the headache. He looked down and realized his left leg was in a cast just below the knee.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember what had happened.

_A voice broke through his haze. It was desperate and panicked. "Lizbeth, don't do this. Please," there was a crack in the voice. _

"_Oh God, no. You can't leave us. Maddie needs you. I need you."_

Rodney's eyes snapped open and he gasped.

"Rodney?"

"Carson," Rodney looked at his friend. "What the hell happened?"

Carson swallowed hard and met Rodney's desperate fearful eyes. "What do you remember?"

Rodney scrubbed at his eyes squeezing them shut for a moment.

_He remembered going with Sheppard and Elizabeth to some planet where some energy readings were detected. Elizabeth wanted to go along to talk with the people. They had had several meetings with these people and Sheppard was comfortable enough that just the three of them go._

_They had to take the Puddle Jumper to the location of the energy that had been detected and that's when things went to hell. The jumper went out of control and Rodney remembered being knocked off his feet._

_His second waking moment in the Jumper happened in agony. "Rodney," it was Col. Sheppard's voice. It sounded so tired and Rodney couldn't place it, but there was something else in his friend's voice. Whatever it was had Rodney forget the pain in his leg for the moment._

"_Rodney, I know it's going to hurt like hell, but we've got to get out of here."_

_Rodney blinked and looked up at Sheppard. He had a fleeting moment to wonder why they had to move, but just said. "Okay."_

_He felt the colonel grab him around the middle, and with several stops and starts mixed with terrible pain, he was hanging over Sheppard's shoulder. For several minutes he was bounced around until at last he was almost dropped into soft grass. _

_He then looked up at his friend and something occurred to him. "Elizabeth. Where's Elizabeth?" He tried to search his friend's eyes, but Sheppard refused to look at him. "Damn it John, where's Elizabeth?" And then John looked up at him._

"Oh God," Rodney was back in the present. He looked at Carson and opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't get the words past the lump in his throat.

"Her head impacted the front console. She died quickly."

"That's it?" Rodney all but screamed. "My head hit something and I lived?"

Carson winced. "Rodney," he tried to calm his patient and friend down. "Given the location of the impact there was no way she could have survived."

"There's more," Rodney stared into his friend's eyes.

"Yes," Carson sighed rubbing his eyes. "Whatever caused the jumper to crash also caused it to catch on fire," he paused to catch his breath. "John was able to get you out before it exploded, but he wasn't able to get Elizabeth's body out.

"Did…?"

"John's fine," Carson jumped in getting a snort out of Rodney. Carson nodded. "Alive anyway. Devastated, but alive."

"Maddie," Rodney closed his eyes and sank into the pillow under his head.

"Laura and I've been taking turns watching the wee lass with Ronon and Teyla for the last week." A week. He'd been unconscious for a week.

"I need some sleep if you don't mind," Rodney said all of a sudden. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder before he drifted off to sleep again.

The next day Rodney was able to stay awake for longer periods of time. Ronon and Teyla visited him for a while bringing Maddie and their two month old girl Fallon only a month younger than Maddie.

Rodney reached out toward Maddie with both hands asking to hold her. He held Maddie close for a moment, dropped a kiss on her head and handed her back to Teyla. He brushed a hand over Fallon's head as Ronon walked by with the infant when it was time for the couple to leave.

He closed his eyes and remembered the first time he held Maddie.

_Rodney, Ronon and a very pregnant Teyla approached Elizabeth's bed in the infirmary where John was sitting on the edge peering down at the bundle in Elizabeth's arms. _

"_Would you like to hold her, Rodney?"_

"_Wha-?" Rodney's head jerked up. He had been fidgeting looking at anything but them. He realized Elizabeth had asked him a question._

"_Do you want to hold Maddie, Mckay?" John asked annunciating every word and Rodney realized John was coming towards him with the baby._

_Rodney glared at Sheppard who was smirking at him. "Fine," he huffed and put out his hands. John managed to get the baby in his friend's arms properly and then the crying began. _

"_Sheppard," Rodney's voice was panicky. _

"_All right," John's voice was calm as he picked up his daughter who calmed down upon returning to her father's arms. John returned to the edge of his wife's bed placing Maddie back into Elizabeth's arms._

_When their friends left the couple Rodney could be heard grumbling out of the room. _

When Rodney woke up next he guessed it was late. The light in the infirmary was low and there was little sound around him. He was about to lift his hand to scratch his nose when there was some resistance. He looked over and was surprised to find John sitting in a chair next to his bed.

The colonel's head was dipped and his eyes were closed. While he always sported some stubble, it looked as if he had not shaved for-well over a week. Dark circles had led to deep fissures under and around his eyes.

Rodney looked down at his hand and saw that John's hand was covering his own. Feeling the pins and needles in his hand, Rodney flexed his fingers trying not to disturb the sleeping man. However John was apparently only in a light sleep and his head came up as his eyes opened.

The two men met each other's gaze and held it for a moment. Rodney swallowed and said the only thing that came to him. "Hey." That was brilliant, Rodney chastised himself. Was that the best he could do?

"Hey," John returned and Rodney could see his friend make the effort to give him a slight smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Rodney gulped at what was in those eyes or rather what wasn't. Rodney opened and closed his mouth several times trying to think of what to say, but came up empty. He was no good at this. He'd only make things worse.

"I'm sorry," he finally blurted out. "It should have been me."

"Don't," the single word was spoken with such steal it startled Rodney.

The scientist tried to say something, but Sheppard was out the door before he could get the words out.

Rodney was left without a clue what to do. The rest of the night stretched out endlessly and with little sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Finding Happiness

Author: sglab

Rating: PG

Summary: Rodney is there for John after losing Elizabeth in an accident

Spoilers: None

Pairings/Characters: Sheppard/McKay and Sheppard/Weir

Warning: Character death, slash

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, just having fun with them.

A/N: Teyla/Ronon and Carson/Laura are miner pairs. The end of season 3 didn't happen nor did season 4

Chapter 2

By the next week, Rodney was being released from the infirmary. In that time he hadn't heard from or seen Sheppard. No one had seen him much in fact.

"Ready to get out of here, McKay?"

Rodney was about to push off from his position against the bed when he heard the voice. His left crutch slipped and fell clattering to the floor. A cry pierced the quiet of the infirmary.

"Good job, Rodney," Sheppard growled handing him his lost crutch before picking Maddie up from her stroller.

"Sorry," Rodney grimaced while straightening up.

"Come on," John said once he got Maddie quieted.

They walked in silence until they made it to Rodney's quarters. Entering the room, McKay slumped down on his bed sitting against the pillows. John sat down in the only available chair in the room putting Maddie next to him.

"I'm sorry for what I said when you visited me in the infirmary," Rodney saw the scrunched eyebrows of his friend. "Carson gave me an ear full after you left. Something about being a 'daft bugger'. I just can't believe Elizabeth is dead," he had to swallow past the lump in his throat. It was the first time he had spoken the words out loud. "She has you and Maddie. _She_ shouldn't have died," his voice was catching and he could feel the tears behind his eyes wanting to come out.

"Rodney," John's voice was pleading. "I can't talk about this right now," John stood up and took a hold of Maddie's stroller and again left before Mckay could say anymore.

Not having the energy to go after his friend, Rodney curled up on his bed and let the tears flow until he fell asleep.

A few days later Rodney returned to his lab. He promised Carson he would take it easy and not work all day, but as the hours ticked by, he was still sitting in the same place when a voice startled him.

"Rodney, Carson's not gonna be too happy you've spent all day in here," John was leaning against the door frame of the lab. Maddie was in her stroller in front of him.

"Yes, well this place doesn't run itself and we are here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis, are we not?" He unconsciously echoed similar words Sheppard spoke a few years earlier.

"Come on Rodney," John coaxed. "It's Thursday."

"Colonel, you know perfectly well the days and hours are not the same as on Earth and even if it is Thursday, so what?"

"It's movie night at my place. Teyla and Ronon are busy so I guess it's just you, Maddie and me."

"Fine," Rodney sighed and when John smiled he couldn't help smiling back. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Once they got to John's quarters, Rodney collapsed sideways onto the couch and rested his broken leg along the seat. He looked around the room listening to John in the small kitchen fixing them something to eat.

Rodney noticed the pictures scattered around the room and his eyes fell on one of John and Elizabeth on the day of their wedding. Rodney remembered the day they announced their engagement.

_Rodney was entering the briefing room when he was practically tackled by a certain Lt. Colonel. "What are you doing, Colonel?" He was trying to extricate himself from the arm wrapped around his neck. _

"_I asked Elizabeth to marry me last night," John still had his arm wrapped around his friend and was guiding him the rest of the way into the room where Ronon and Teyla were sitting waiting._

"_Congratulations, John," Teyla offered. _

"_You didn't say if she said yes," Rodney remarked._

"_Funny," John proceeded to press a knuckle to the top of Rodney's head and rub._

"_Ow, ow, ow. Sheppard!"_

"_Yes Rodney," Elizabeth's voice came through the room as she entered passing the two 'boys'. "I was suffering from temporary insanity last night and said yes."_

_John pouted and let Rodney go ignoring the man's grumbles as he rubbed the top of his head. He stepped over next to her and with his most charming smile pressed a light kiss to her cheek. _

_Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but let him put an arm around her._

"_Hey Rodney," John said still next to Elizabeth. "Want to be my best man?"_

_Rodney stared at Sheppard for almost a full minute. "Umm. Uh, really?"_

_John smirked. "Yes, really."_

"_I would…I mean…that is to say," Rodney cut himself off, took a deep breath and said, "yes."_

"_Cool," John slapped his friend on the back. Elizabeth shook her head and gave Rodney a hug and a peck on the cheek. Congratulations were offered from the rest of the team before the meeting continued._

"So how is Siobhan doing?" John asked about Dr. Siobhan O'Brien; the new leader of Atlantis and Elizabeth's former protégé.

Rodney took the plate John offered him and scooted up to make room for his friend on the couch. "She was trained by the best."

"That she was," John agreed.

By the time they had finished the movie Rodney was worn out. John told him to stay for the night. Rodney was too tired to even make it to the guest room so he opted to stay on the couch.

It was late when Maddie's cries woke Rodney. John came out of his room with his daughter.

"Sorry about this," John said to Rodney.

Rodney shrugged and propped himself up on the arm rest.

John came around with Maddie who had quieted and sat down in an arm chair. "I was thinking about taking Maddie back to Earth next week…"

"What?" Rodney's voice came out almost a screech. "You're leaving?"

"What?" John frowned and shook his head when he understood, "no, I'm just going for a visit," John stopped and looked down at his sleeping daughter. "I have to tell Elizabeth's Mom what happened. Or at least some version of the truth."

"Oh," there was relief in Rodney's voice.

"I might go see my brother too. It's been five months since my dad's funeral," John was silent again for a long moment. He shifted Maddie in his arms amazing Rodney how he was able to move the infant without waking her. "I was wondering," John's voice startled Rodney, "would you come with us to Earth?"

Rodney was speechless. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of what to say.

"It's okay," John said. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No," Rodney blurted out. "I didn't think you'd ask me."

"Who else would I ask?" John said. "You're my best friend, Rodney."

"I am?" Rodney all but squeaked.

"Yeah," John began to fidget. "So do you want to come with us or not?"

"Yes."

"All right," John stood up. "I should get her back to bed," John said goodnight and left a restless Rodney on the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 3

"You know you're going to have to get out sooner or later," Rodney was sitting in the back seat of the rental car. They were parked outside Elizabeth's Mom's house.

John let out a breath of air and opened the car door. He climbed out and went around to the front passenger seat getting Maddie out. "Are you going to be okay getting out yourself?"

"I can manage," Rodney muttered hauling himself out of the car.

When they got to the door Rodney hung back a bit. Apparently Mrs. Weir had already been informed of the news because as soon as she saw John tears were in her eyes and she grabbed him around the shoulders pulling him close.

John wrapped one arm around his mother-in-law while the other hand held the baby carrier with Maddie.

When she let go of John she looked down at the baby and clasped her hands to her mouth. "She's beautiful. "What is her name?"

"Madeleine Meredith Sheppard," John said.

"Come in, come in," she shooed them inside. "Rodney, it's good to see you," she said.

Rodney gave her a polite smile.

As the rest of the afternoon progressed Rodney was feeling more and more awkward. He spent most of his time trying not to put his foot in his mouth. He watched John do most of the talking and he could see it wasn't any easier for his friend.

Mrs. Weir insisted on making them dinner. That at least gave Rodney an excuse for not speaking other than to compliment her on her cooking. She also insisted they stay at her house while they were visiting.

She then apologized for only having the one guest room and one bed for them. But they'd shared tents sleeping crammed together.

Rodney, as exhausted as he was, he could not find sleep. His leg was hurting. He tried not to move too much though. John still looked exhausted. John's friends had always teased him that he was too skinny, but now he really was too skinny.

Rodney looked over at Maddie seeing she was sound asleep.

Finally he had to get up and take something for the pain. It had been a long day. Entering the kitchen he was surprised to see Mrs. Weir sitting at the counter.

"Oh, Mrs. Weir."

"Is everything all right, Rodney?" She asked.

"I just got up to take something for the pain in my leg," he said.

"What happened to your leg?" She asked.

Rodney was resting his crutches against the counter when she asked the question. "Um well it was an accident."

"Was it the accident that caused Elizabeth's death?"

Rodney didn't look at Mrs. Weir as he answered. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"It was an accident," Mrs. Weir said gently resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Some days I wish it had been me," Rodney said.

"Survivor's guilt can be a terrible thing," she said.

Rodney looked up at Mrs. Weir. He felt a moment of shame, but didn't know why.

"We have to go on for John and for Maddie. And for Elizabeth," she said and wrapped a warn hand around Rodney's.

"Now, didn't I tell you to call me Marisa?" Her question startled him as did her lighter tone.

A sudden memory of the day he first met Mrs. Weir came to him.

_He had just arrived in town coming from Colorado. He'd had to take a flight, apparently the SGC wasn't going afford him any of their resources and beam him at Mrs. Weir's front door. _

_John and Elizabeth were already there getting ready for the wedding that Elizabeth's mother insisted on in the back yard. They had already had one on Atlantis a month earlier. _

_Other than the happy couple, Rodney was the only one allowed to leave Atlantis at the time. _

_The door opened and a smiling Elizabeth greeted him. She pulled him in giving him a hug. So startled his hands flailed a bit before landing on her back. _

"_How was your flight?" She asked when she finally let go. _

"_Long. Irritating," he continued on a long whine which only had Elizabeth laughing. _

"_Come on and meet my mother," she had wrapped her arm behind his and tugged him through the house. _

_John was sitting in the living room couch looking a little shell shocked at everything around him. They continued on through Rodney only catching brief look of desperation from John. _

"_Mom, I'd like you to meet Rodney. He's John's Best Man."_

_Mrs. Weir came out of the kitchen wearing an apron. It took Rodney a moment to see the family resemblance. _

"_It's good to meet you, Rodney," Mrs. Weir put out a hand._

"_It's nice to meet you too, Mrs. Weir," Rodney took her hand. It was a comforting grip she had. _

"_Marisa," he looked at her confused. "Please call me Marisa. I've been trying to get John to call me that all week."_

"_Well then it's nice to meet you Marisa," he corrected. _

"_He doesn't say much," Marisa said to her daughter. _

"_I think he's trying not to put his foot in his mouth," Elizabeth smiled. "Rodney, it's okay, it takes a lot to offend my mother." _

_Marisa shook her head, but smiled at Rodney. "Rodney, why don't you go rescue John from the horrors of wedding plans and do something," she hesitated for a moment like she was trying to find the right word. "Guyish." _

"_Guyish?" Elizabeth looked at her mother. _

"_Okay," Rodney decided to do as Marisa suggested and left the room to find John._

"You spent the whole week here looking like a deer in headlights," Marisa startled Rodney out of his musings. "When you were here for John and Elizabeth's wedding."

He blinked at her a moment. "How'd you know…?"

"Just a guess," she smiled. "How much longer are you going to be on Earth?"

"After we leave here we're going to see John's brother. So at least a week," his last word was half spoken. "Wait, what did you just say?"

She gave him a half smile this time. "A General Jack O'Neill came here a week ago to tell me what happened to Elizabeth. He told me about Atlantis and the Pegasus galaxy. I never quite figured out why he'd tell me all of it."

"Elizabeth!"

They were startled by John shouting. The baby woke up then crying.

They got to the room and Rodney went next to John while Marisa went to Maddie.

"John," Rodney placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

John tossed a bit mumbling. His eyes came open and he looked at Rodney. "Rodney?"

"You were having a bad dream."

John sank into his pillow taking Rodney's hand with him. "Re-living a nightmare," John said.

Rodney didn't know what to say so just sat on the edge of the bed letting John hold his hand to his chest.

"Is Maddie okay?" John dropped Rodney hand and sat up.

"She's doing fine," Marisa said. "Why don't you two get some sleep."

Once back in bed neither man felt inclined to sleep. "She knows about Atlantis."

"What?" John rolled over looking at Rodney in the dark. "General O'Neill told her about Elizabeth and everything else."

"How's she taking it?"

"She seems surprisingly calm hearing about Atlantis."

"You still have that deer in headlights look around her," John said.

"Oh shut up," Rodney shoved a snickering John with his pillow.

They left Marisa's house a couple days later. With a tearful goodbye from her they promised to visit again as soon as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Finding Happiness

Note: I know this is a really short chapter. It just didn't want to say anything more. Thanks for the reviews everyone.

Chapter 4

After John, Maddie and Rodney had been back to Atlantis for a week; John started pushing to get back out on missions. Things were quieter, but the Wraith were still out there.

Once Rodney was out of his cast they were sent off on their first mission. It was an easy one. They just had check in with one of their off world allies. After awhile John began to push for more.

While Ronon and Teyla had the greatest of drive to fight the Wraith their actions were tempered some by parenthood. They were taken by surprise by John's push. He often came back exhausted to the point it was difficult to give Maddie the attention she needed.

They grew more concerned as John seemed to take on even more responsibility even in the city. Major Lorne was more than willing to give his fair share, but that seemed to be taken out of his hands.

It was a weekend and Siobhan had ordered them to take a few days off. She threatened to sic Carson on John if he didn't take it easy.

Rodney entered his lab thinking he'd get a little work done since all his time had been taken to go off world. He opened a drawer sifting through a pile of disks to find a project he had been working on when he found something he hadn't seen in months.

He pulled out a DVD marked 'J/E Moments'.

Rodney looked at the door to his lab and for a moment it felt like five months ago.

_Elizabeth walked into Rodney's lab holding Maddie who was a little over a week and a handful of DVD's. _

"_Rodney, would you mind helping me wit this?" She handed him the DVD's. "I'd like to edit these videos together."_

"_I am a genius of course, but this isn't exactly my area, Elizabeth. Home movies?" He looked through the stack._

"_It's for John and my anniversary. I want to give it to John as a surprise."_

"_That's," he had to stop and think about it, "five months from now." _

"_I know, but you never know what can happen. Things can get pretty hectic around here," she gave him a pleading look. "Please?" _

_Rodney sighed. "All right, but you're asking for it."_

_Elizabeth gave him a big smile leaning over and kissed him on the cheek. _

"_I don't know how we're going to keep this from your husband."_

"_That's easy, when we find time to work on it I'll just tell John you have some long winded explanation on some mundane problem in the city," she smirked. _

_At that point Maddie started to get cranky and Rodney was getting that look on his face he got when Maddie started to get cranky. That was Elizabeth's cue to leave. _

They had gotten a little over half way through the DVD's when the accident that took Elizabeth's life happened. Rodney looked at the discs in his hand. It would be their second anniversary in a week he realized. Giving it another thought he made a decision.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 5

Rodney had been pacing the infirmary. He didn't have much to do at the moment. Carson said it would be awhile before they were finished.

Twenty minutes ago Rodney and the rest of his team had returned from a disastrous mission. Rodney did his usual open mouth insert foot and managed to piss someone off in the Alneon government. Sheppard ended up getting shot saving Rodney's life.

Carson had assured them the Colonel would be fine, but he had to remove the bullet. Ronon and Teyla had left to check on their daughter and they would be back soon.

Running out of steam, Rodney left the infirmary. He found himself standing in front of the Becketts' door.

He rang the chime and a nine month pregnant Laura opened the door.

"Rodney, I heard Colonel Sheppard came back injured."

"Yeah," Rodney mumbled.

"Is he going to be all right?"

"Carson said he should be fine."

That's good. Is there something I can do for you?" She asked.

"Do you have Maddie here?"

"Yeah, she's in the nursery."

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Oh," she stepped back embarrassed. "Of course. Is everything all right, Rodney?"

"Fine," he waved his hand dismissively and walked toward the nursery.

"Rodney, are you sure?" She frowned.

"Everything is fine, Cadman," he snapped.

Rodney approached the crib and looked down at Maddie. She was awake, but she looked content to just lay there.

He reached down and picked her up.

"I didn't think you knew how to hold a baby," Laura said from behind him.

"Yes well Elizabeth forced the lessons on me. She even had me change a few diapers and feed Maddie once or twice."

Laura let out a chuckle.

Any other time Rodney would come up with an insult, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

"_Rodney, I want you to learn how to hold Maddie properly," Rodney was standing in the middle of John and Elizabeth's quarters. Elizabeth approached him with Maddie in her arms. _

_Maddie was just over a month old. Elizabeth had dragged Rodney back to her and John's quarters informing him she was giving him lessons on the care and feeding of infants. He was so startled he hadn't said anything yet. _

"_Elizabeth, this is a bad idea. Babies don't like me. I don't like babies…" he stopped abruptly. "I mean I like Maddie. She's of course the exception. As well as Madison. Of course she's not a baby anymore and actually I never knew her as a baby."_

"_Rodney," Elizabeth's voice was firm, but not too sharp not wanting to upset Maddie. _

"_Sorry," he froze. _

"_Rodney," Elizabeth smiled at him. "Sit down." _

_Rodney backed up until he was up against the couch and sat down. _

"_Now," Elizabeth sat down next to him and proceeded to instruct him on the proper way to hold a baby. "Don't forget to support the head and neck. There. And relax, Rodney."_

_Rodney inhaled a deep breath and then let it out. He decided to look down at the little girl in his arms. She had green eyes like her Mom and they were looking right at him. Then again he might have been imagining that. He seemed to remember being told babies couldn't see very well at first, but couldn't remember at what age that would change. Her little hand came up to open and close in mid air. _

_She let out a little gurgle and Rodney tensed. She made a couple other odd little noises. "Elizabeth?" Panic started to build. _

"_Time to feed her," Elizabeth said. _

"_Oh. I'll just go then," he tried to pass Maddie off to Elizabeth, but she got up from the couch. _

"_You can feed her," Elizabeth said. "I expressed some milk this morning."_

_Rodney's face twisted up. "Seriously Elizabeth, TMI." _

_Elizabeth just laughed and handed him the bottle showing him what to do. _

_Several minutes later they heard a laugh behind them. John was standing in the doorway of the nursery. "Rodney, are you doing what I think you're doing?" _

"_So it would seem," Rodney replied tossing out the dirty diaper he was holding. "Your wife thought I needed to learn the care and feeding of a baby."_

_John snickered some more and kissed his wife before he picked up his daughter once Rodney was finished. _

"_Are you staying for dinner?" John asked. _

"_Yes he is," Elizabeth answered._

Rodney looked at Maddie. He had made Elizabeth a promise not long after and he intended to keep it.

Carson was speaking in his ear then telling him John was out of surgery and in recovery. He put Maddie back down and thanking Laura he left to return to the infirmary.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 6

Rodney walked through the infirmary until he got to John's bed. The Colonel was already up and half dressed. Moving the stroller in front of him around, he walked up to John.

"Need some help?" John's t-shirt was over his head, but that was about as far as he could manage it. He had been shot in the side making it painful to lift his arms.

John let out an exasperated sigh and nodded. Rodney looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Well, are you going to just stand there and gawk or are you going to help me?" John asked.

Rodney looked at him amused. "Sorry."

John just eyed him. "So why do you have Maddie?"

"I'm moving into your spare bedroom until you've healed. I figured you could use some help with Maddie," Rodney then handed John his sling.

"That's not necessary," John said. "But thanks anyway."

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "I'd like to see you try and pick up Maddie with that injury."

John sighed again. "Fine."

It was the middle of the night when Maddie started crying. Rodney almost collided into John on the way to Maddie's room.

"I thought I told you I'd take care of Maddie," Rodney said.

"She's my daughter," John responded.

"I'm glad you remember that," Rodney's voice was low, but John caught his words.

"What's that suppose to mean?" He grabbed Rodney's arm.

"You've been a little busy to pay much attention to her," Rodney said.

"I'm trying to keep everyone safe here, McKay. And that includes my daughter. More families are starting in the city and the Wraith aren't gonna just leave us alone," he was yelling now and Maddie's crying was getting more persistent.

"I'm going to go check on your daughter now," Rodney turned and entered Maddie's room.

"She's teething," John said. "Here," he handed Rodney a cold plastic ring.

"What am I suppose to do with this?" Rodney held it by his thumb and fore finger.

"Hold it in her mouth. It should help the pain."

Rodney held Maddie in one arm and with his free hand he held the ring to Maddie's mouth. With her little hand she gripped the side of the ring. Her cries settled a little, but she was still fussy.

"I never thought I'd see you like this with a baby," John grinned.

Rodney shrugged. "She's yours and Elizabeth's daughter."

John was caught off guard with Rodney's words. His smile went from amused to grateful.

"Tomorrow would be our second anniversary," John said all of a sudden.

Rodney nodded. "Elizabeth made something for you," he shifted Maddie in his arms more as a stall tactic. "I debated whether I should give it to you now."

"What is it?" John asked.

Rodney walked out of the nursery and into the spare room. He came out a moment later holding a DVD. "I helped her edit together your home movies. I had to finish it on my own."

John took it from Rodney and just looked at it. "Thanks, I don't know if I can watch it just yet, but I appreciate it."

John turned away from Rodney for a moment. Rodney heard what sounded like a sob before John took a deep breath and turned back again. He leaned in and kissed his daughter on her head.

"If you've got everything under control I think I'll go back to bed," John said.

"Yeah I think we'll be fine."

After John returned to his room Rodney went back into the nursery with Maddie and sat down with her in the rocking chair. He shifted her so her head was against his chest.

"_Take care of them for me." _

The words floated into his head as he watched Maddie falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Finding Happiness

Note: Sorry about the lack of scene breaks. I can't seem to get anything to work for me.

Chapter 7

On the day that would have been John and Elizabeth's second anniversary John kept to himself. Rodney took care of Maddie without John getting in the way. Their teammates and friends tried to pull John out of his quarters a few times during the day, but met with little luck. Ronon and Teyla wound up bringing food over with their daughter.

It was a couple of days later when Laura went into labor. It was the first thing to get John out of his quarters in three days.

Coming into the infirmary just after Laura and Carson the doctor's friends were amused to see Carson so nervous after having delivered Maddie and Fallon. Although Dr. Keller would be the one delivering Carson and Laura's baby.

Seven hours later Kayla Marie Beckett was born. Everyone gathered in the small room to get a look at Mom and baby before leaving them to rest.

scenebreak

John and Rodney returned to John's quarters with Maddie after seeing Carson and Laura's baby. John placed a disc in the DVD player and plopped down on the couch.

Rodney had gone in to put Maddie down for a nap and came out a few minutes later seeing John staring at the large screen in the living room. He walked over to look at the screen and a large lump developed in his throat.

Elizabeth looked beautiful in the dress she found with the help of Teyla. On the screen she was walking down the stairs that were in front of the stargate. The camera panned over to where John was standing in his dress blues. Rodney was standing fidgeting next to John. Teyla was across from them holding a bouquet of flowers.

Rodney sat down on the couch next to John and watched with his friend.

They got through the wedding and there was some footage of John's birthday. Rodney startled when John suddenly laughed. He rolled his eyes seeing what John was laughing at. Rodney had fallen asleep on the couch and John had placed a bow on Rodney's head and tied some ribbon around his neck.

"I don't remember this part," Rodney said looking at the screen. "Some of it Elizabeth worked on her own."

The camera was moving through their quarters and into the bedroom.

"I think I'll let you watch this by yourself," Rodney started to get up, but John placed a hand on his shoulder halting him.

"_John," it was Elizabeth speaking in a sing song voice. The camera moved to the bed where John was under the blankets. The top of his head the only thing sticking out. "John, there's something I want to tell you." _

_John's eyes opened and he gave the camera a lazy smile. _

"Sure you want me to stay?" Rodney asked.

John didn't say anything so Rodney just stayed put.

_John sat up and reached out toward the camera, but it pulled out of his reach. _

"_Huh-uh," Elizabeth said. _

"_Elizabeth," John whined. _

"_I just talked with Carson," she said. "And he confirmed it." _

_John's eyes widened and brightened. _

All of a sudden there was a flurry of motion on the screen and things got a bit fuzzy for awhile.

"What was that about?" Rodney asked.

"It was when we found out Elizabeth was pregnant with Maddie. She had her suspicions she was pregnant, but she wasn't sure. We'd been trying for a few months."

They looked back at the screen and the scene had changed to one where John pulled Elizabeth toward him and began kissing her. A hand slapped over Rodney's eyes then.

"Hey!"

John's hand came off his face a few seconds later and they were looking at a very pregnant Elizabeth and Teyla standing next to each other on the mainland.

"That little picnic was a real joy," was Rodney's sarcastic remark. Both women were miserable. Hormones, aches and pains. It lasted for an hour and they wanted to go back to the city where the modern conveniences were. Even Teyla who was used to roughing it wanted back to the city.

The next thing was Elizabeth's birthday. She was over nine months pregnant and suffering false labor pains for the previous couple of days. Right in the middle of the party she thought she was experiencing more false labor pains so didn't say anything until her water suddenly broke in the middle of the living room.

A few hours later Maddie was born.

Rodney realized John still had a hold on his shoulder when the grip tightened. On the screen Elizabeth was walking down one of the Atlantis halls with Maddie in her arms. Maddie was just under a week old. They came to their quarters and the camera followed them inside. Elizabeth was talking to the camera and the camera man, John.

Rodney looked over at John and he was biting his lower lip. He looked close to tears. Not sure what to do, Rodney placed his hand over the one on his shoulder and squeezed.

They continued to watch the disc for a while longer until John spoke. "Probably should get Maddie up from her nap or she'll never sleep tonight. Hungry?"

"Yeah," Rodney got up and got Maddie. He came out a few minutes later. "Got anything here?"

"How about we go to the mess," John suggested.

"Sure," Rodney felt a little hopeful. Maybe John wasn't going to keep himself locked in here forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 8

As the days went by John began to participate more in life. When he healed to the point he could go off world he took it easy. He even made sure their missions didn't take them away from the city so much.

Siobhan was brokering deals with allies and John was in charge of security if she had to go off world.

John was more sociable with others. Most of his friends were parents. They were a support to each other through the difficult times.

His team and Carson and Laura would get together for a movie. They would bring their kids and set them on the floor with their toys.

Rodney was the odd man out in the parenting world, but he could be seen around the city pushing Maddie around in her stroller. He was still using John's spare room a few months later.

It was lunch time and Rodney entered the mess with Maddie in her stroller. She was ten months now. He noticed Teyla, Carson and Laura at a table with their kids as well.

"Rodney, you have a child with you," Carson remarked. "Feeling all right?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Ronon is beating up John and he had some military thing he had to take care of. He'll be here in a few minutes."

"Are you still living with the Colonel, Rodney?" Laura asked.

"I'm not _living_ with the Colonel, Cadman," Rodney said.

"You have been a great help to John these last few months, Rodney," Teyla said.

"Yes well…" Rodney trailed off.

"Hey," John came in with Ronon and greeted everyone. He kissed Maddie on top of her head and sat down next to Rodney who felt John's shoulder bump his.

scenebreak

After lunch John had taken Maddie off Rodney's hands while the scientist returned to his lab. It seemed not much work was to be done as he spent most of the time thinking about what Laura said to him. Somehow he had just gotten in the habit of returning to John's quarters.

John hadn't said anything, but now Rodney couldn't help but think he should return to his old quarters. Of course then he would have to cart all his things back. He had brought a lot of his things over throughout the last few months.

He looked at his watch and noticed it was late. John and Maddie were probably asleep now. Closing things up, Rodney left the lab.

It was dark in John's quarters and he tripped on an end table. He got to his bedroom when he saw a light nearby. John had opened his bedroom door.

"Rodney?" John stuck his head out of his room.

"Sorry," Rodney said. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," John said. "Everything okay?"

"Yes, why?" Rodney frowned.

"You seemed distracted at lunch. I thought we were going to have dinner together. You didn't skip dinner did you?"

When did John start worrying about his eating habits, Rodney wondered? "Don't be ridiculous, I'm hypoglycemic."

John raised his hands. "Hey, just asking a question."

Rodney was silent for a moment before his next sentence. "You've been recovered from your injury for awhile now; I should probably get back to my own quarters."

"Oh."

Maddie started crying then and both men headed for the nursery. Rodney's hand brushed over her forehead as John picked her up.

"She was a little fussy today," Rodney said. "I think she has a fever."

"She had only quieted down a few minutes before you got home," John said.

Rodney found the ear thermometer and placed it in Maddie's ear while John held her still. Rodney read off the temperature.

"I'm taking her to the infirmary," John said.

"_We're_ taking her to the infirmary," Rodney said.

John opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but closed it and just nodded before handing Maddie to Rodney so he could get dressed.

Scenebreak

Dr. Keller was on duty when they got to the infirmary. Maddie was crying consistently.

"Maddie's got a fever," John told the doctor.

"She's been fussy most of the day," Rodney added.

Keller reached out to the baby, but John wasn't letting go. "Colonel, I need you to let me take Maddie so I can examine her."

Reluctantly John released his daughter to the doctor's care. They all walked toward an exam table where the doctor placed Maddie. John didn't take his eyes off Maddie for a second and when her crying got louder his hand reached out to her trying to sooth her.

"It's okay sweetie, Daddy's here. Rodney's here too," Rodney was startled when his right hand that had been hanging down at his side was grasped and held by John.

"She has a little cold," Dr. Keller said.

"Is she going to be all right?" John asked.

Keller smiled. "She's going to be fine. She won't be too happy for the next few days and you probably won't get much sleep."

"I don't get much sleep anyway," John said placing a kiss on his baby's forehead.

"She's had diarrhea so I'd like to get her fluids replaced," Keller said. "You can take her home then."

Keller excused herself for a moment after calling a nurse over.

Rodney could feel John was having a hard time staying up right. He dragged a chair over with his foot. "Sit before you fall on your face." Rodney grabbed a chair for himself and sat down.

"Rodney, I know you want to return to your own quarters, but I need help. I can't do this on my own," John stood up and began to pace.

Rodney stood up and followed John. He grabbed hold of his friend's shoulders to stop him. "I'll stay."

John stopped and looked at Rodney. "Thank you," he then surprised Rodney by grabbing him into a hug. It was a brief hug, hardly long enough time to even register for Rodney.

A moment of awkwardness descended before they sat down.

The infirmary door opened and Carson came in. "Jennifer called to tell me little Maddie has a bout of the sniffles." John stood up looking worried again. "You have nothing to worry about, John. She wants to check all the children Maddie's been in contact with. Laura's getting Kayla and she'll contact Ronon and Teyla as well as the few other families in the city."

"Think the worry lessens eventually, Carson?" John asked.

Carson smiled. "Not likely, my friend."

scenebreak

The next few days were long and exhausting. It was the middle of the third night and Rodney's turn to be up with Maddie.

It wasn't easy trying to convince John to go back to bed when they heard Maddie's cries. But now Rodney was pacing the living room holding a very unhappy baby. "You know if your father wasn't one of my best friends and I didn't think the world of you mother I wouldn't be up at this hour carrying you around like a sack of potatoes."

He felt a pang of sadness at the thought of Elizabeth. There was a little bit of guilt creeping in there as well when he thought of her. He always knew he was at least a little bit in lust with John for a long time now. Even before John and Elizabeth were engaged. But he could see from early on how right they were for each other and wasn't surprised when they announced their engagement.

They were the first of their little group to marry. Ronon and Teyla married a couple months after John and Elizabeth. Carson and Laura married a few months after that.

All three couples had gotten engaged at almost the same time. They had a little get together to celebrate all the engagements.

Rodney felt as usual the odd man out, but Elizabeth and Teyla wouldn't let him feel alone. He had been both John and Carson's Best Man. Ronon and Teyla had combined their traditions and everyone they considered family stood up for them in the ceremony.

Rodney's face scrunched together all of a sudden. "Oh great, a present," he brought Maddie back into the nursery and put her down on the changing table.

"You're lucky I love you," he finished cleaning her up and replacing her pajamas.

He picked her up and took her out to the little kitchen area to get something to replace her lost fluids.

John came out of his room and joined Rodney in the kitchen.

"I swear, how such a mess can come out of such a small person is beyond me," John laughed and Rodney just stuck his tongue out at him.

"I think it's my turn," John said.

"She seems to have quieted down," Rodney said.

"That's a relief," John took Maddie from Rodney. "Get some sleep."

"Gladly," Rodney turned toward his room.

"Hey Rodney," John stopped him. "Thanks."

Rodney opened his mouth, but closed it and just nodded before returning to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 9

A couple days later Maddie was on the mend and John and Rodney could get through a whole night's sleep.

In the last couple of months they had started a sort of routine without thinking about it. Rodney got Maddie up in the morning. John fixed a little breakfast and they would eat together. John would then take Maddie to the nursery if it was going to be a busy day.

They would stay in touch with each other throughout the day making sure one of them was able to pick up Maddie and the three of them would either eat in the mess or at home. John would put Maddie to bed.

When they had to go off world they had designated a few people for babysitting. _They _because Rodney one day decided he should get a say in who was watching Maddie when he or John were not there.

A month after Maddie was feeling well enough to return to the nursery both John and Rodney arrived at the nursery at the same time.

"I thought I was picking her up," they both said at the same time.

The nursery was a rotation of medical staff and military personnel who had experience with kids through nieces and nephews and prior work in child care. They took care of a small group of infants and toddlers. Three children six months to eleven months which included: the Beckett; Dex and; Sheppard kids. The last two were twin boys thirteen months old.

"Gentlemen, I don't think it matters who was suppose to pick up Maddie," the nurse volunteering for nursery duty said.

John and Rodney looked a bit sheepish. John took a hold of Maddie's stroller and nudged Rodney out the door.

"It's Maddie's birthday next month," John said as they were walking down a hall.

"Already?" Rodney asked.

"Yep," John nodded. "We need to do something special."

Rodney couldn't hold back the smile John's 'we' brought him.

scenebreak

Rodney woke up late a few weeks later. It was a day off so he slept in. John said he would get Maddie up. He walked to the living room almost tripping over a box on the floor.

Blinking and rubbing his eyes to clear them, he looked around at the mess in the room. "You wanna clean up this mess," he griped. "I almost broke my neck."

John turned from the wall he was facing holding Maddie in one arm. "Being a bit dramatic, McKay?"

"What is all this stuff?" Rodney ignored the jibe.

"Decorations," John said. "Getting ready for Maddie's birthday tomorrow." John turned back to the wall sticking a balloon up.

Rodney shuffled into the little kitchen area and looked at the counter. "What's this stuff?"

"I'm making her birthday cake," John said.

"You're making her birthday cake?"

"Yes," John turned around looking at Rodney. "Something wrong with that?"

"Oh, no," Rodney raised up his hands. "Nothing at all. We do have a fire extinguisher don't we?" John glared at Rodney.

scenebreak

It was later that evening after Maddie was put to bed that John decided to tackle the cake. "You want to help?" John asked Rodney who wandered through getting a glass of water.

"Not really, but I think I should."

"What's that suppose to mean?" John glared at Rodney.

"Nothing, nothing at all," Rodney tried to look innocent but failed miserably.

"You can help, but only if you stop insulting me," John warned.

"I'm the picture of an angel," to which John snorted.

A half an hour later they had what resembled the makings of a cake.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing with this 'oven'?" Rodney asked. "God, I need a shower. How'd all this stuff get on me?"

John looked at Rodney and reached out with one hand swiping a glob of icing off Rodney's cheek. Bringing it to his mouth, he sucked in the digit making somewhat obscene noises.

"Care to take care of the rest?" Rodney's question was entirely innocent, but two seconds too late he realized just how suggestive he sounded. "I'm going to take that shower now," not looking at John, Rodney disappeared out of the room and into the bathroom.

When the door closed, Rodney fell back against it letting out a low groan.

scenebreak

The next day their friends were gathered in their quarters. They had finished eating dinner they got from the mess and John was getting the cake to bring out. Neither had said anything about what had happened the previous night.

"Oh here."

"What's this?" Rodney asked.

"It's called a camcorder. It takes moving pictures."

"Oh very funny," Rodney said. "What am I suppose to do with it?"

"Film the rest of the party," John said. "Presenting the cake and then the presents."

"Are you sure you want me to do that?"

"Yes," John said. "You wanna hand me that candle over there?" He pointed to a candle on the other end of the counter.

"One to grow on?" Rodney asked seeing the cake already had one candle sticking out of it. This candle was red unlike the one in the cake which was white.

"No, it's Elizabeth's birthday too."

Rodney didn't say anything. He just handed the candle over and got the camcorder ready.

"It's about time you came out with the cake," Carson said holding onto Maddie.

They sang Happy Birthday and John leaned over while holding Maddie to blow out the candles for her, but he was surprised when Rodney leaned over next to him blowing them out with him.

scenebreak

Rodney entered his and John's quarters and stopped just inside the threshold. It was the day after Maddie's birthday and decorations were still strewn about. But that wasn't what stopped him. John was kneeling on the floor watching his daughter walk towards him.

"Rodney, grab the camcorder," John's voice was a whisper. He hadn't even looked at who entered while he was watching his daughter take her first steps.

Rodney managed to find the camcorder without commotion breaking the moment. He fumbled a bit, but found the record button and looked at the little screen on the camera.

John was grinning from ear to ear watching his one year old daughter taking tentative steps towards him. She was only a couple of feet away, but it looked like a mile with those little legs.

Maddie was just inches from her father when she lost her balance and plopped on her bottom.

"That's my girl," John picked up his daughter and held her close to him.

Rodney kept the camera on John and his little girl for a few more moments until his friend looked at him. "Thanks Rodney," he then got up and went over to Rodney wrapping his free arm around his friend's shoulder in a hug.

Rodney wrapped both of his arms around John's middle.

John pulled back and Rodney thought the moment was over, but when he looked up to meet John's eyes, he was unsure what to think. Then a pair of lips were pressing against his.

The kiss was sweet and tentative and came to an abrupt end.

Rodney tried to say something, but was at a loss. He stood dumbly as John took the camcorder from him.

"You want to watch the video on the big screen?" John asked. It was enough to make Rodney follow John and sit on the couch with him to watch the video.

When the video was finished Rodney looked over at his friend not having heard much. He was taken by surprise by the emotion playing on his friend's face and wasn't sure what to do or say. John was holding Maddie close and he looked as if he could cry at any moment.

After another long moment of uncomfortable silence John sniffed and started to speak. "I miss her every day, but on days like this I miss her even more." Rodney opened his mouth hoping to come up with something to say, but was cut off again. "I'm sorry I kissed you."

Rodney waved his hand averting his eyes from John for a moment and stood to leave. "Don't worry about it."

"Rodney, wait," John got up quickly and put Maddie in her playpen before turning back to Rodney. "That didn't come out how I intended," Rodney opened his mouth, but again was cut off. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, but I just think it was bad timing."

"Oh, of course," Rodney stumbled over his words. "I need to get back to the lab."

"Oh sure," John said. "See you at dinner?"

"I have a lot of work, but probably," Rodney turned and escaped to the hall. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He didn't know what to do.

Eventually he began wandering and found himself outside of Carson's office.

scenebreak

"He kissed me."

Carson's head came up from his microscope to look at Rodney who had barged in. "Excuse me?"

"I said, he kissed me," Rodney said.

"Who kissed you?"

"John," Rodney's voice was grating. "Keep up, Carson."

"It's about bloody time," Carson mumbled returning his gaze to his work.

"What?"

"Rodney, no need to shout," Carson looked back at the other man.

"What do you mean it's about bloody time?" Rodney mimicked.

"We've just wondered when you two would finally do something."

Rodney gave Carson a suspicious look. "Who is this 'we' you're talking about?"

"Rodney," it was a familiar sound of irritation.

"Fine," Rodney said. "What about Elizabeth?"

"What about Elizabeth?" Carson answered back.

"She died just nine months ago," Rodney said. "They had a daughter together."

"Rodney, she's gone," Rodney flinched at Carson's words. "We all loved her. No one more so than John and he will always love her, but life must go on.

"Life must go on?" Rodney snapped. "What the hell kind of platitude is that?"

"Rodney, what happened after he kissed you?" Carson asked.

Rodney frowned and fidgeted. "He said he was sorry for kissing me, but then he wasn't sorry for kissing me, but for the bad timing."

"I see," Carson said. "Just give him a bit of time; I'm sure he'll work this out."

"And what am I suppose to do in the meantime?" Rodney asked. "I'm living with him."

"I thought you said you weren't living with him," Carson smirked.

"Oh very funny," Rodney scowled.

Carson sighed. "Talking with him might be a good start."

Rodney was less than thrilled with his 'best friend's' advice. But soon he turned and left deciding he should talk with John.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Finding Happiness

Chapter 10

John sighed and picked up his daughter. He had just had a conversation over the radio with Rodney who told him there was a crisis in the lab he had to deal with. Rodney then told him he wanted to talk when they had a chance, but that wasn't very likely at the moment. Tomorrow they would be offworld for most of the day and who knew what the universe was about to throw at them next.

He took Maddie into the bathroom and got her ready for her bath. "I screwed up, kiddo," he said. "He's probably planning on moving back to his old quarters," he was hoping Rodney was seeing these quarters as home.

John tended to think of it as an apartment rather than quarters. It made it more home to him.

Maddie splashed in the water and giggled. This made John smile. He ran his hand through the small curls of her hair. They reminded him of Elizabeth's curls. Maddie's hair was still a light brown almost blond. Her eyes were her mother's color.

The constant pain of his wife's loss had lessened over the last several months, but it would come up for various reasons and take him off guard. Like when Maddie took her first steps today. There were a lot more firsts ahead with his daughter too.

He took Maddie out of the tub and dried her off. Once he got her pajamas on he took her out to the living room. Across the room there was a mantle where he had some pictures arranged.

He picked up one of the pictures with Elizabeth he caught of her sitting on the couch when she was nine months pregnant. It was a week before Maddie was born. Carson had put her on bed rest for the last couple months of her pregnancy. She could get up a little, but not over do it.

"This is you right there, Maddie, right inside mommy," he pointed at Elizabeth's swollen belly in the picture.

Maddie blew out a noise that sounded like 'mu-mu'.

John smiled. "You'll get there," he kissed his daughter's temple and put the picture back. There was one with him and his team as well as their wedding picture and with them and Maddie a week after she was born.

"Wowie," Maddie exclaimed reaching out to another picture. Elizabeth had taken it and placed it on the mantle without John evening knowing. It was him and Rodney on the couch laughing. John wasn't sure, but he thought they were sharing an off world trip that was a comedy of errors.

"Wowie?" John chuckled.

"Dudu," Maddie pressed her little hand to her daddy's cheek.

"Come on, squirt, time for bed.

John placed Maddie in her crib and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Love you."

Turning off the light he left the room and went to his own room and collapsed on the bed. A few minutes later he was sound asleep.

Scenebreak

John dragged himself out of bed the next day. Taking a shower he got dressed and went out to get Maddie up. To his surprise Rodney was in her room getting her ready.

"Hey," John said resisting the urge to go up to Rodney and hug him and a few other ideas that came through his mind.

"Morning," Rodney said.

"When did you get home?" He kept slipping in the word home every now and again hoping Rodney would start seeing it that way.

"About three in the morning," Rodney then yawned.

"You about ready to go offworld?"

Rodney sighed. "Just give me about three cups of coffee and I'll be mostly ready."

"Three cups of coffee coming up," John grinned going out to make the coffee.

Scenebreak

The mission took a day longer than they had planned and by the time they had returned to Atlantis they were all exhausted. They had their post mission physicals and went to get their kids.

It was the afternoon in Atlantis and John sat down on the couch with Maddie in his arms. The couch dipped and Rodney sat down next to him.

"That was fun," Rodney huffed.

They had found themselves doing a lot of climbing to get to where they wanted. Rodney found an interesting energy signal up high in a mountainous region. The terrain was unfortunately such that they could not land the puddlejumper where they were going so it was on foot they went.

After hours of walking and climbing they were faced with nothing. They were all grumpy snapping at each other by the time they got back to the Jumper. Even Teyla who was usually the one to calm fights was on edge.

"You said that already," John sighed. "About a half a dozen times since we left the planet."

"Pardon me," Rodney snarked back.

"We need a vacation," John declared.

"My sister invited me for Thanksgiving dinner."

John's brow creased and he looked at Rodney. "Thanksgiving's not for another month."

"Canadian Thanksgiving, idiot," Rodney said.

"Oh right. Sorry, too tired to think. My brother invited me and Maddie to Thanksgiving."

"You're on your own with him," Rodney said. "I don't think he liked me."

"He thinks I have odd friends," John said.

"Huh," Rodney replied. "Jeannie thinks I have normal friends."

Scenebreak

"Why are you coming with me?" Rodney asked for the twentieth time in as many minutes.

John watched Rodney close his suitcase and turn to look at him. They were going to Earth to spend some time with Rodney's sister and her family for Canada's Thanksgiving.

"You invited us," John reminded him holding Maddie and turning her to face Rodney.

"Wowie," Maddie exclaimed. It seemed she said that every time she saw Rodney. John decided that had been her first word, but Rodney argued it wasn't a word.

"We need to get out of here so we can talk," John said. "We've been so busy without a moment to ourselves." They had barely had five minutes together in the past week. Every time something might happen there was a call or a meeting they had to get to.

"What's this conversation going to lead to?" Rodney asked.

"That's what we're suppose to figure out," John said turning and walking out of Rodney's room.

Scenebreak

Jeannie practically dragged them into her house when they arrived. It had been some time since John had seen her and he was taken by surprise when she pulled him into a hug. It wasn't an easy hug either what with her being almost nine months pregnant. When she pulled away she turned to her brother who was holding Maddie.

"Oh my God, she's gotten so big. Mer's been sending me pictures."

John looked at Rodney with a raised eyebrow. "Has he?"

"Well…" Rodney stuttered to a halt.

"John," Jeannie waved her hand at him. "So," she looked at him seriously. "How are you doing? I was so sorry to hear about Elizabeth."

John swallowed hard. It was getting better, but sometimes he was still taken off guard. "I'm doing okay."

"Way to go Jeannie," Rodney muttered.

"Mer," she gave him a look. At this point John was feeling a bit dizzy. Two McKays could be a bit much.

"You are still making real food, right?" Rodney ignored her look.

"Yes," she rolled her eyes.

"So, where are your husband and Madison?" Rodney asked.

"They should be here any minute," she said.

"You're not going to give birth until they get here, are you?" John snickered at the panicked look on Rodney's face.

"Mer," Jeannie smacked Rodney on the arm.

"Ow," Rodney pouted.

The door opened and Caleb and Madison came in.

Scenebreak

Thanksgiving wouldn't be for another couple of days, but Jeannie was working hard to get things ready.

Jeannie and Caleb had a guest room with two twin beds. John borrowed Madison's old crib for Maddie. Caleb's parents had given them a new crib for the new baby.

John woke up in the middle of their first night at the Millers'. Something had disturbed his sleep, but he wasn't sure what. He walked over to the crib and found Maddie asleep. He looked over at the other bed and it was empty. He grabbed the baby monitor and slipped out of the room.

"Jeannie, can't you leave it alone," John heard Rodney's voice inside the kitchen.

"There's so much tension between you two, I'm worried," Jeannie said.

"This is why we came here. We weren't getting anywhere on Atlantis. Doesn't exactly bode well," Rodney mumbled.

"What's the problem?" Jeannie asked.

"Other than I'm in love with one of my best friends, nothing."

"Oh," John couldn't help but agree with Jeannie's sentiment.

"God, I feel like I'm in a bizarre sort of soap opera," Rodney said.

"Have you told him?" She asked.

"When would I have the time? This is his fault, he kissed me first."

"Wow," Jeannie said.

"What's that suppose to mean?" John could just see the way Rodney looked. Arms folded glaring at Jeannie.

"Nothing," she said. "I'm just surprised he made the first move so soon."

"He changed his mind," John flinched at the sound of Rodney's voice. "But then in the same moment said things were going too fast."

"It's been less than a year," Jeannie said. "He seemed to love her very much when I saw them together."

"Are you kidding, he was completely in love with her and still is," Rodney said.

"Are you feeling guilty because of Elizabeth?" She asked and John couldn't help flinching because he knew _he_ was feeling guilty.

"Yes," Rodney said and that had John feeling like an idiot not realizing Rodney felt the same.

"Um, Mer, I realize this is bad timing, but could you get Caleb?"

John heard brief babbling from Rodney before Jeannin yelled at him. Jumping back, John managed to avoid the kitchen door as it came swinging open. Rodney was completely oblivious to his presence though as he ran upstairs. John startled again as Jeannie shuffled out of the kitchen.

"Jeannie?" John took her by the arm and walked her across the room.

"John, what are you doing up?" She flinched as a contraction hit.

"Couldn't sleep."

"John's not in our room," Rodney said as he came down with Maddie. Caleb was right behind him.

"Honey," he rushed past Rodney to Jeannie. "Is it time to go?"

"Yes," she leaned down bracing her hand on the back of the couch.

"Rodney," John moved next to him. "Why'd you bring Maddie down?"

"When did you get down here?" Rodney asked.

"A few minutes ago," John said. "Do you want us to stay here with Madison?"

"That would be great," Jeannie said.

"All right," John said. "Call us."

"Mer," Jeannie looked at his brother. "Talk to him," Rodney only nodded watching his sister and brother-in-law walk out the door.

"I'm taking Maddie and getting some more sleep," John took Maddie from Rodney and went up the stairs.

Scenebreak

John got up late. He found Rodney had already got up and got Maddie and Madison up and dressed.

"Anything for breakfast?" John asked.

"Oatmeal," Rodney grimaced.

"Great," John matched his grimace. "Where's Madison?"

"In her room playing," Rodney pulled Maddie out of the high chair.

"Uncle Rodney."

"Okay, she was in her room," Rodney said. "Yes, Madison?"

"When are Mommy and Daddy coming home?"

"Your Mom won't be home for a few days, but your Dad will probably be home this evening."

"Why?" She asked.

"Why, what?" Rodney asked.

"Why won't Mommy be home when Daddy is?"

John smirked seeing the look on Rodney's face asking for help. He waited a second and at last thought he should help. He was planning to spend the rest of his life with this man after all.

"Madison, your Mommy has to get your little brother or sister before she can come home. It takes a few days for mommies."

"She doesn't know if I'm having a brother or sister?" Madison looked confused.

"Not yet," John said.

"Can I play out in the snow?" She asked.

"After a while," John said. "Why don't you go play for a little while."

When she left the room John turned back to Rodney who looked very relieved. "Good thing you're the parent."

"I don't know, you've done a pretty good job helping out so far," John came up next to Rodney placing a hand on back of the other man's neck.

"Maddie hasn't learned to say anything more than a few unintelligible words yet," Rodney said.

"If you're willing, we can figure out this parenting thing together," John said.

"Would you kiss me already?" Rodney answered.

John leaned in wrapping an arm around Rodney and the other around Maddie. He pressed his lips to Rodney's opening his mouth a fraction letting his tongue out. Rodney opened up letting John's tongue through. John felt one of Rodney's arms wrap around his waist and pulling him closer.

John pulled back enough to lightly bite Rodney's lower lip. Rodney groaned. John let out a contented sigh.

"Wodney!"

The two men parted laughing. John took Maddie from Rodney. "Now that was unmistakable," John said and kissed the top of Maddie's head. "What do you think, squirt? Think we should keep him?"

"What, I'm a dog now?" Rodney huffed, but grinned in spite of himself.

Scenebreak

It had been an hour since they heard from Caleb telling them Jeannie gave birth to a boy. They already had a name, Jamie.

John sat on the front porch next to Rodney, Maddie tucked between them bundled up more than she ever had in her short life.

Madison ran around the front yard gathering big chunks of snow to make a very odd looking snowman.

"I was beginning to think everyone I knew was only going to have girls," Rodney said.

John looked over at Rodney and grinned. "Teyla and Ronon or Carson and Laura will likely have a boy."

Rodney looked over at John. "Did you and Elizabeth plan to have more after Maddie?"

John looked off into the distance for a moment before he spoke. "There were some complications during labor. Carson didn't think she'd be able to conceive again. The last couple of months during her pregnancy were difficult."

Rodney didn't know what to say. The hand he had resting on John's neck tightened just a fraction.

"I never thanked you for all you did while I went back to Earth for my Dad's funeral. You were a lot of help to Elizabeth that week."

"It was…"

"Uncle Rodney, Uncle John!" Madison yelled cutting Rodney off. She was waving her arms at them pointing at her creation.

The two men looked at each other and smiled.

Scenebreak

A week later they were all standing at the front door as they were about to leave to return to Atlantis. They hadn't done much beyond a few make out sessions preferring to wait to get home for anything more. They talked, took Maddie and Madison out giving Jeannie and Caleb some time with the new baby.

Jeannie stood holding Jamie and crying. Caleb stood next to her with an arm wrapped around her. "Do you have to go already?" She asked.

"We'll be back for Christmas," Rodney assured her. "Maddie's grandmother would like to see her so we'll be going there while we're in the area as well," of course by 'in the area' he meant Earth.

"Invite her here for Christmas, John," Jeannie said. "She's more than welcome."

"I'll pass along the invitation," John gave her a quick hug and shook Caleb's hand.

"Mer," Jeannie, looked ready to cry again.

"Jeannie," Rodney handed Maddie over to John and hugged his sister careful of the infant in her arms.

"Bye, Uncle Rodney," Madison held up her arms.

Rodney lifted up his niece giving her a hug. Madison looked at John opening her arms while Rodney still held her. "Bye Uncle John."

John beamed whenever Madison called him Uncle John. Leaning in he gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

They finished their goodbyes and walked out to their car. Holding Maddie with one arm, John wrapped his free one around Rodney's shoulders. "Ready to get home?"

"Yes," Rodney said smiling.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Finding Happiness

Note: The epilogue is left after this chapter. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed.

Chapter 11

John, Rodney and Maddie returned to Atlantis around lunch time. Their friends greeted them as they came through the gate.

"We were just heading to the mess for lunch," Carson said.

"I could eat," Rodney said.

"You could always eat," John teased.

Rodney just stuck his tongue out at John eliciting laughter all around.

When they were all settled in the mess with their food everyone was talking and laughing. Questions were asked about their trip. John pulled out the pictures. There were several oohhs and aahhs over little Jamie.

"We were wondering if any of you wouldn't mind taking Maddie for the night," John said. He and Rodney were startled by immediate volunteering by all.

"I should go check in the labs," Rodney said.

John got up with Rodney. "There's probably something I should be doing. See you around six?" John directed the last part at Rodney.

Rodney grinned looking like he had forgotten where he was for a minute. He straightened his throat when he noticed the others grinning at them. "I'll see you later," he escaped a second later.

"Subtle much?" John raised an eyebrow at their friends.

"So things are going well?" Carson asked.

"What, married life has gotten so mundane for you guys, you need to stick your noses in our love life?" John asked a little amused.

"More entertaining than most of the movies you show us," Ronon smirked.

"Well, I'm glad we could entertain you," John rolled his eyes.

"Oww," Ronon yelped, but no one could see what happened.

"We are very happy you have found happiness together," Teyla offered.

"Thank you, Teyla," John accepted her words with gratitude. "I just hope our relationship won't cause any problems with others."

"Colonel, I have it on good authority you don't have to worry about anyone under your command," Laura offered. John was afraid Carson being married to Laura who was under his command was going to be difficult. So far things were working out okay.

John accepted that with a tight smile and a nod. "Okay, whoever's taking Maddie for the night; come by about six to get her. I'll leave it up to you guys to decide. Just so you know, no splitting her in two though," Carson and Laura chuckled getting odd looks from Ronon and Teyla. "Carson and Laura can fill you in," John told them before heading out.

Scenebreak

John stood in his bedroom looking around. His eyes fell on a picture. Walking over to the dresser he picked it up. "I think Rodney would be more comfortable if I had you in the living room," he said to the picture of Elizabeth.

"I love you, Elizabeth Ann Weir-Sheppard," he took the picture out to the living room and placed it with the others on the mantle. As his hand moved away he noticed the gold band around his left ring finger.

Returning to his room he went to the dresser and opened a wooden box. It held various meddles and ribbons he had received in his career. Taking off the ring he placed it with two others. One a matching gold band and a simple, but elegant diamond ring. When he or Elizabeth went off world they would leave their rings in the box to keep them safe.

On instinct he had put his ring back on after returning to Atlantis on the day he had lost Elizabeth.

He heard the door outside the bedroom open and footsteps. He closed the lid of the box and went out to the living room.

"Hi," Rodney stood looking almost shy.

"Hi," John said back feeling a little silly. He felt like a teenager.

"Has whoever's taking Maddie come yet?" Rodney asked.

"Nope, but they should be here in a few," John said.

"Good," Rodney looked around all nervous energy.

"How was everything in the labs?" John asked.

"Good," Rodney said.

The door chimed and both men sighed.

"I'll get Maddie," Rodney said.

John went to the door. It was Carson and Laura standing in the hall with their daughter Kayla.

"So, how'd you decide?" John asked letting them in.

"We thought it would be good practice to take care of three at once, so we're watching Fallon as well," Carson said.

"Good practice?" John asked only to catch on as he finished the question. "Are you saying?"

"What's going on?" Rodney came out with Maddie.

"Looks like there's another chance for there to be a boy in our group," John said.

"Two actually," Laura said. "I'm pregnant with twins."

"Well, I hate losing you out in the field, Cadman," John said. "But it looks like you guys are happy."

"Two?" Rodney suddenly said.

"Yes sir," Laura said. "Carson and I both come from big families."

"Two?" Rodney repeated.

"Rodney, close your mouth, you'll catch flies," Carson bopped Rodney lightly on the chin. "Well, we should get going. I'm sure you two would enjoy some time alone."

John congratulated them getting Rodney to say something as well. Rodney finally came out of his shock to kiss Maddie goodnight. John leaned over and did the same watching them walk down the hall until they turned the corner and they couldn't see Maddie anymore.

The door closed and John turned to look at Rodney. "Hungry?" John asked.

"Not really," Rodney said.

"You're not hungry?" John looked at Rodney with wide eyes.

"Maybe later, but there are other things I've been wanting to do," Rodney tilted his head back and pulled John close to him. Their lips met. One of John's hands came up cupping the back of Rodney's head. He wrapped his free arm around Rodney's waist as they continued to kiss.

Rodney's arms wrapped around John's shoulder.

"Bed," John panted.

Rodney seemed to hesitate for a brief moment, but followed John to his room. They stopped inside for a moment. Rodney had never really been in this room before other than to be at the threshold.

"Are you sure about this?"

John looked at Rodney and frowned. "Sure about what? That I want to spend not only tonight, but every night for the rest of our lives together making love as often as possible? That I love you? Yes Rodney, I'm sure."

"Um, wow."

"Wow? Rodney, do you want this?" John was feeling anxious and unsure now.

"Yes," Rodney said at last. "I love you too."

"That's good to hear," John sighed pulling Rodney close to him.

"I probably won't say that a lot," Rodney said against John's shoulder.

"That's okay," John pulled back enough to look at Rodney without completely letting him go.

Rodney surprised John and pressed another kiss to his lips. He pushed John back walking them over to the bed.

Scenebreak

John lay back against the sheets, a pillow haphazardly under his head. His right hand stretched out brushing his sleeping lover's back. The sun was starting to come up.

Later in the evening they had finally gotten up after making love to get something to eat. They talked and laughed. Later they went back to bed and made love again. The second time was easier and slower than the first. The first was awkward and they managed to not only bump elbows, but smack each other in the head. Not terribly graceful, but it did manage to break some of the tension.

Rodney began to stir. John watched as he slowly turned over to his other side facing him. "Morning," John greeted him turning on his side to look at Rodney.

"Is it morning already?" Rodney asked.

"Sun's just coming up."

Rodney groaned. "What am I doing awake at this hour?"

"You couldn't stand to be away from my charming personality for another minute," John grinned.

"Charming?" Rodney challenged.

"I'm irresistible," John said with certainty.

Rodney let out a snort of laughter.

John rolled Rodney over to his back and kissed him.

"You need to brush your teeth, Sheppard," Rodney wrinkled his nose.

"So do you," John said.

"Shower too," Rodney said.

"Both of us?" John asked.

"Oh definitely. I recommend together. Wouldn't want to tax the city's resources."

"Good idea," John grinned.

After a long shower where they teased and groped taxing more of the city's resources than they would have had they showered separately, they got out and dried off.

"What should we do now?" John asked.

"Food," Rodney said. "I didn't eat much last night and you wore me out."

"What then?" John asked.

"We'll see where things go from there."

They put on some sweats and got their breakfast.

"What time is it?" Rodney asked as they cleaned up their dishes.

"Eight-thirty," John said.

They were silent for a moment contemplating what to do next. "Let's get Maddie," they said in unison.

John grinned and pulled Rodney close to him. "Did I ever thank you for moving in with me?"

"I moved in at first because of a promise I made," Rodney said.

"Promise?"

Rodney remembered that day he made that promise.

_Elizabeth was almost nine months pregnant and Carson had put her on bed rest for the last two months of her pregnancy. John was on Earth at his father's funeral. Ronon had gone with him. Rodney would have gone, but there were some things in the city he had to take care of himself. _

_During that week Rodney came by Elizabeth and John's apartment at least a couple times a day. He made sure she had her meals and was resting properly. Siobhan had been Elizabeth's assistant since she learned she was pregnant and quickly her protégé. Elizabeth had known Siobhan prior to Atlantis and recommended her for the position of her assistant. Now that Elizabeth was on bed rest Siobhan was filling in a bit more to help Elizabeth out. _

"_Rodney," Elizabeth looked at him across the dinner table as they were eating dinner. John would be home in a couple of days. "Promise me something?" _

_Rodney looked up worried. He didn't like the sound of her voice. "Elizabeth, are you all right?" _

"_I'm fine," she smiled at him. "I just want to know if something were to happen to me that…"_

"_Whoa," Rodney cut in. "Nothing's going to happen to you, Elizabeth. If anything something is more likely to Sheppard," Rodney's sentences faded out a bit in the last words realizing what he was saying. "Not that we'd let that happen," he said._

"_Believe me, Rodney. I know John's in a much riskier position. It's just that anything can happen," she paused. "I'd like to think I'm a pretty rational thinker, but with this baby on the way," he placed her hands on her swollen belly. "I worry a little more. I worry about John and how he'd be if something happened to me. Would he be okay raising our child on his own? Promise me you'll take care of them."_

"_Elizabeth, he's not alone," Rodney took a deep breath and reached over to grasp her hand. "If it makes you feel better then I'll make a promise that if something were to happen to you I'd be there for John and the baby."_

_Elizabeth pushed back the lump in her throat and smiled. "Thank you, Rodney. You're a good friend."_

"She never told me she was worried," John said.

"She didn't want to worry you."

John wanted to get angry. He was the person Elizabeth was supposed to turn to with her worries and fears. But as he thought about it he realized he would only panic. He'd protect Elizabeth even more. He'd protect her by not going off world again, but he realized she was trying to protect him from himself. She didn't want him to not do what he did best. It wouldn't be him otherwise.

"So what are we waiting for? Let's get our girl," John smiled.

Rodney beamed. "We could go to the main land and have a picnic. Maddie would probably like to get out in some fresh air that's not minus one."

John pressed a kiss to Rodney's lips before they went to get dressed. "When we get back here later we can get your stuff in our room."

John grinned at a stunned Rodney. "Come on," that was all Rodney needed to get going.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Finding Happiness

Epilogue  
Six Years later

John walked over to the dining table carrying a good sized cake. Rodney had the camcorder and was walking backwards.

"Rodney, you're going to step over little children if you're not careful," John was gritting his teeth trying his best not to trip.

"Ehh, they're resilient," Rodney waved his hand.

John rolled his eyes and came to the table. He placed the cake down in front of Maddie. All of their friends were there with their kids. Ronon and Teyla had a son now three years old as well as their six year old daughter Fallon. Carson and Laura had twin boys age five as well as their six year old daughter Kayla. Kayla and Fallon were Maddie's two best friends.

"Why are there eight candles?" Kayla asked.

"The red one's for Mommy," Maddie said. "It's her birthday too," she looked up at her father. "Right Daddy?"

John kneeled down next to his daughter and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Right kiddo," he gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

"Shall we sing Happy Birthday?" Carson suggested.

When they were finished singing Maddie blew out seven of the candles leaving the last one. Rodney handed the camera over to Carson and kneeled down on the opposite side of Maddie. With her daddy and Rodney they blew that last one out together.

scenebreak

"All right you three, lights out," John stood in his daughter's bedroom doorway where she was gathered with Fallon and Kayla. They were having a sleepover for Maddie's birthday.

Rodney looked over the back of the couch where John stood at the bedroom door. He could hear the girls giggling. He turned back to his reading and after a moment felt a dip on the couch. An arm wrapped around his shoulders and a head rested on top of his.

"Think they'll actually sleep tonight?" Rodney asked.

"God I hope so," John said. "They've had a ridiculous amount of sugar though."

Rodney tipped his head back and kissed John on the mouth. "How about we go to bed too."

"Sounds like a plan," they got up together and headed to their room.

"This was a good day. Thanks for remembering the candle," John had been so busy putting this birthday party together he almost forgot the special candle they always put on Maddie's birthday cakes. Rodney had stopped him before taking the cake out to the dining room and put in the candle.

They got in bed and Rodney moved over wrapping his arms around John's waist and kissed him.

"Don't start anything," John said.

"Don't plan to," Rodney said and rested his head on John's shoulder. "We need to get our rest. A sugar high is going to be the least of our worries in a few years."

"And here I thought I fell in love with an optimist," John smiled following Rodney into sleep until they would be woken up because the girls got into a fight and Fallon and Kayla would ask to go home.

The End


End file.
